Once there was a place called Laggy Town. And in it there was a rude computer.
When I say rude, I do not just mean rude, I mean RRUUDDEE!
It was laggy, it turns off when it doesn’t get its way, it causes constant updates that annoy you to death, and is only three weeks old.
When it updates, it will say, “Just a moment please.” Then it will say 100% complete: but it still doesn’t start. “AAARRRGGGHHH! Said almost everyone in Laggy Town.
The people in Laggy Town figured out that the computer actually was listening to them. If they said something bad about the computer, it would close down and start another update. It was almost like it was saying, “I’m in control, so THERE!”
The people of Laggy Town decided to throw the computer in the dump. They didn’t want that miserable computer to give them a hard time any more. After they threw it away, they got a brand-new computer from Bicroloft.
When they plugged it in, a message appeared on the screen which read, “Message from old computer coming in.” Then another message appeared on the screen which read, “Did you think you could demolish me? WRONG. I am sitting here in the dump with an old typewriter. I AM STILL IN CONTROL.” “AAARRRGGGHHH”, said the Mayor, “How do we get rid of you?” The computer screen showed a new message that read, “You don’t. I will always be in control. Excuse me now, I want to shut down for a new update. And, this one will be very, very long!” The Mayor said, “OK, this computer goes to the dump too.”
Now the people bought a new Banana MuckBook and when they plugged it in, it read, “Mandatory update required. I must connect to two other computers who want to log in.” The next message read, “WE ARE BACK! WE ARE IN CONTROL!. The new computer screen then read, ”Excuse me, I want to shut down for another update. See you next Wednesday….. MAYBE THURSDAY.”
The Mayor said, “OK everybody, I give up. Here are some pencils and notebooks. We will never use the computers again”. The people said, “WWWHHAA, but we have forgotten how to write because we have only used computers for so long.”
Then they noticed that the pencils began to move on their own and started writing a message on the notebook. It read, “WE ARE STILL IN CONTROL!” Then the sharpened pencils turned to the people and began to chase them out of their own town.
(POSTCRIPT- The moral of the story is, “Do not get too dependent on your computer. If you do, it can take over your life, your town and your world!)
Firedude was thinking: “Huh, huh, huh, huh…I’ve finally made it to the tree of the power of the vine!! Yes!! Now I can defeat the monkey family’s future relatives! Now let me turn into my real self, which is a fire alligator devil!!”
Firedude got the power of the vine, but he was too weak. He flew into the air and landed in a tree. For 1,000 years, he did fitness activities to make himself more powerful, and to make his flames bigger and bigger.
And then, smart little Timmy Bidurmphidurmph came along, and he was like, “Hey, that’s unfair! According to my calculations, it is impossible to become smart enough to get the power of the vine! When I grow up, I’m going to be smart enough to make my charging banana! And once I’m done with it, you can have it, Firedude.”
Firedude nodded with agreement.
One thousand years later, Timmy, (a/k/a the Immortal Genius) was talking to Lanas in Vale Haven (kind of a bad guy heaven) about how to get the Apocalypse Banana (which used to be called the Charging Banana) back in power. Power Monkey had swallowed the Apocalypse Banana in a previous story, so he would always have it with him, but it tasted really bad. He learned that explosives are not very tasty. Lanas suggested that they give Power Monkey a pill as a piece of candy that will make him cough up the Apocalypse Banana, and then they could steal and repair it. The Immortal Genius thought that was a great idea.
Meanwhile, Lanas came back from Vale Haven disguised as Whackey Monkey, who is Power Monkey’s best friend. He knocked on Power Monkey’s door and said, “Hey, dude, I’ve brought you a great piece of candy.” “Why should I take candy from you? Last time I ate your candy, it did not end well for me. You may be Whackey, but your candy is even whackier!” But since Whackey Monkey was his friend, he agreed to try it. Big Mistake!!!! Up came the Apocalypse Banana. “EEEWWW! That’s gross,” said Lanas in disguise, but he picked up the Apocalypse Banana and ran out of Power Monkey’s house.
When he was running, Lanas dropped the Apocalypse Banana…………suspense……….
And Firedude found it! Firedude worked on it for ten days, and he remade the Apocalypse Banana so it would be more powerful than ever before.
Firedude ate it to give himself so many powers. He had over a million powers to use for destruction.
Power Monkey realized that the Apocalypse Banana was missing and put on his Power Monkey suit and left to find the Apocalypse Banana. He saw Firedude, and he said, “Hey, dude,” and Firedude glowed, like the Apocalypse Banana would. Power Monkey thought he’d never see the glow again. Then a fireball ehaded right for Monkey Manor. Power Monkey said, “Oh no, you didn’t!” and he stepped in front and deflected the fireball back at Firedude.
Then, Firedude said, “Fire Doesn’t destroy fire!” Power Monkey said, “Oooops! My bad, not a good hero move.” But he got a big box of water and threw it at Firedude, which put out all of the fires around Firedude. Power Monkey said, “What do you want?” Firedude said, “Your Power of the Vine.” Power Monkey shouted, “NEVER!!” and he kicked Firedude, causing him to fall back. Then he got a rubber band and shot it at Firedude.
Firedude shot a fireball, which knocked out Power Monkey. Nanas was walking nearby and saw all of the commotion. Nanas said, “Nobody touches that super hero.” Nanas kicked Firedude, who yelled, “Ouch! But no worries, I can still get my revenge.” Nanas dodged the fireballs from Firedude and attacked him. Nanas gave him a super punch, which knocked out his alligator teeth. Nanas then poured water on Firedude, which turned Firedude into an Ashdude. When Power Monkey woke up, he saw no Firedude, but there was Nanas.
Nanas said, “I was worried when I heard that you battled with Immortal Genius two weeks ago. But that was before I invented my new transbopalator, so I could teleport to anywhere on Earth. But it works now, so I was able to get here and defeat Firedude for you.”
Power Monkey said, “Thanks for all your help, Nanas!”
Tune in next time for, “Power Monkey – Shipwrecked!” a/k/a Power Monkey 4.
Welcome to our new story The Story of Karlyn Wasbi me and Obvious are next to our campfire roasting smores over this totally true tale!!!!
[Auntie Obvious: Dude. Not every tale needs to be told. This is one of them.]
LA LA LA NPT LISTENING!!!!
Once in the long forgoton year of 2020 an egg started hatching it was a species called a COMMENT TROLL They surfed websites and raided the comments…
[Auntie Obvious: After you finish reading this, if you’d like the last five minutes of your life back, please contact our complaint department, and they will send you a 10-page questionnaire to fill out. It will take about an hour.]
The one that hatched was called Karlyn Wasbi It’s parents Scam Wasbi and Copyright wasbi taught her how to raid a comments section…..
[Actually, looks like this is going to take up more like 10 minutes of your life. Sorry.]
Then when a story called Aqua dolphin went live in june Karlyn made her public debut she asked for an update, she got one. Then she went for MORE she got another one but then Karlyn WENT CRAZY.
[I mean, if there’s a bright spot here, it’s that Brady has to go to school tomorrow, so eventually, this story is gonna have to end.]
Hey! you were Ok with “Why We Changed our Logo” when it aired! this is the absolute same thing!!!
[Auntie Obvious: That one made a little more sense. Hey, peeps, go ahead and let me know who all wants a complaint form.]
Cancel the complaint form program now!!!!
[Auntie Obvious: Pretty sure it’s the law.]
Deleted The Complaint Form Program from existence
[Auntie Obvious: Nice job, genius. That starts the countdown to blow up the entire website.]
Brady The Book Sailor left the website
[Auntie Obvious: Dude, it’s a website, not an airport. You don’t have to announce when you are leaving. Come back soon, everyone to the new AuntieObvious.com website!]
Nope not happening ever. Now time for the unveiling of [***new website***]
our storage ran out…
[***Removed by Auntie Obvious because, DUDE, I *told* you we don’t own that domain name. Domain names cost money! I mean, it’s not like going to the doctor and getting a free lollipop. Well, I mean, technically, your parents and/or their insurance company paid for the lollipop, but it’s free to YOU.]
In the third episode of our podcast (check out all the episodes of PodSailing here), we mentioned that Tom Angleberger’s short story, “Whills” – from “Star Wars: A Certain Point of View” – had inspired us to write our own version. Enjoy our “Mandalorian Whills” below – which we wrote after the conclusion of Season 1. If you haven’t already watched Season 1 of the Mandalorian:
There are Season 1 Spoilers below.
Oh, and check out the new “Empire Strikes Back: A Certain Point of View”, which is awesome!
Brady Whill: The Empire has fallen. But the fledgling New Republic still struggles to restore order in the planets of the Outer Rim.
Auntie Whill: WOOHOOOO! We’re going to get to see Luke and Leia and Han and Chewie and R2-D2 and C-3PO! This is going to be awesome!!!!!!!!
BW: I’m sorry, but this story is about Mando, a Mandalorian. But you miiiiiiight see a character who reminds you of someone in the originals at the end of Chapter 1.
AW: Oooh! Wedge? An Ewok? Lando?
BW: I hate to break it to you, but this character was also in the prequels too.
AW: If it’s Jar-Jar Binks, I’m going to give up watching TV and spend my extra free time working as a bartender in the Mos Eisley cantina.
BW: They don’t hire humans anymore.
AW: WHAT??? That’s just crazy talk!
BW: Head there yourself.
AW: OK, Fine. Finish your little story. But I’m not going to like it.
BW: Crime syndicates abound, along with remnants of Imperial forces. On a lawless planet, Greef Carga runs The Guild, a coalition of Bounty Hunters.
AW: Greef Carga? Does he know SpongeBob Squarepants?
BW: Ugh. You are in a complete different world than me.
AW: Thanks, Captain Obvious.
BW: A lone Bounty Hunter, known in name only by his association with The Mandalorians returns to The Guild with a ship full of captured fugitives and in search of a new bounty…
AW: Oh, you mean Din Djarin?
BW: Ugh, you just spoiled all of Episode 8. Speaking of that, how did you know? I thought you didn’t watch The Mandalorian Episodes.
AW: Well, I didn’t think I wasn’t going to like it, but then HOLY COW, BABY YODA IS SOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BW: I’m going to have to write you up for two spoiler violations. If you get a third, you get demoted to Whill bathroom cleaner.
AW: OK, fine, I’m just gonna go read up on the history of the Dark Saber, for no particular reason and which has totally nothing at all to do with The Mandalorian.
BW: Third spoiler! You know what that means!
AW: Awwwwwwww, man. Intern Whill had beans for dinner…
Once upon a time, (Editor #253 to editor #549, “Why do you always have these corny beginnings? I am getting fed up with this!”)
It is a dark and stormy night in Tortoise Town, when Isaac Bonjour, the annoying French squirrel, was starting his evilest plan yet. He knocked on Harry’s door and said, “Harry, I have carrots.” Harry said, “Oh boy, I’m coming with you!” Isaac lured Harry to his evil airplane and locked him inside! Harry said, “Where are the carrots?” And Isaac said, “There are no carrots! Gotcha!” Harry screamed, “NNNOOOOOOOOO!”, as Isaac started up the engine.
One day later, in their duplex mansion, we see Tom searching all over the mansion for Harry. Tom shouted, “Harry, Harry”, then he had a thought. Could Ronald Roomba have sucked him up? Tom ran to Ronald, who was on the website “Armbook” and asked, “Ronald, have you seen Harry? You didn’t suck him up, did you?” Roomba replied, “I have not seen him, I have just been looking at the offensive memes about Roombas.” (see picture below)
Tom said, “Then there is only one reasonable culprit, it must have been Isaac Bonjour. Let’s go to France.” So, they began to load up their golden boat, but Tom said, “We should only pack essentials, Ronald, leave the shark aquarium!” So, off they went to France to find Isaac and hopefully Harry. They called their plan “Operation Cottontail” but they did not know that they were in for a major surprise………….suspense…………..
About twenty miles into the journey, the boat started rocking. There was a whale under them. Tom said, “Mr. Whale, are you aware that you have my golden boat on your nose?” The whale said, “I am not a whale, I am an Orca, and yes, I am aware of that, because suddenly I can’t smell anything.” Tom said, “Put us down, and Ronald and I will be thankful.” Ronald said, “Not me, I am not programmed for thankfulness.” The Orca threw them in the air and they landed in the water and started sinking…….suspense………
Ronald said, “Oh wow, another story about a sinking boat, at least there was not a big iceberg this time.” Tom said, “This is not the Titanic, please don’t say, I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this.” As they sank into the water, Ronald said, “I will say that if I want to.” Tom said, “NNOOO, Ronald NNOOOO!” Then Ronald flew out of the water and said, “I am fine, I am waterproof and I have jet boosters” Tom said, “You can fly?” Ronald said, “Didn’t you read the instruction manual?” Tom said, “I threw it out as soon as I unboxed you.”
Back in France, Harry was moaning, “Carrots….Carrots….” Isaac said, “I have no carrots.” Harry whined, “But, I haven’t had one for eight hours.” Isaac said, “I only have carrots when the French harvest occurs every six months when I can also get croissants from the croissant trees.” Harry moaned, “Those do not exist.” Isaac said, “They do in these fairy tales” Harry said, “look over there, it’s Tom flying on the back of Ronald Roomba!” Isaac said, “Where?” Then Harry ran out of Isaac’s fortress.
Tom and Ronald flew down to catch Harry. “Did you guys bring my shark aquarium,” said Harry, “I need to feed Quick, Quicker and Quickest.” Ronald gave the “I told you so” look to Tom. “Not so fast” yelled Isaac, who was flying on his own rigged Roomba and said, “You guys are going down!” Ronald said, “Oh man, I thought we were at a resolution in this story.” Isaac said, “No, I still have to defeat you guys.”
As the two Roombas got close, Harry was able to lean over to the Rigged Roomba and took out the battery. All of a sudden, Rigged Roomba powered down and fell into the Atlantic Ocean, near the coast of France. As he was falling, Isaac yelled, “you have not seen the last of mmmmeeeeeeee!” After he was in the water, Isaac yelled, “I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this.” Harry said, “Oh no, not again. I hated that movie, too much kissy, kissy.”
And they all went back to Critterville, and lived happily ever after. At least they thought so!
Tune in next time for Tom and Harry 4, The ballad of Insane Bolt.
He is the Bearer of the Zipper. He is the Crusader of the Coats. No tank top is safe. It’s Hoodie Man! But every hero has to have a nemesis, and his is Winter Gear Girl, who betrayed him and made his other enemy, Stinky Tank top, more powerful.
They framed Hoodie Man for it and he and his friends, Sweater Man and Jill Monsoon were sent to jail. But they escaped and they teamed up with Windbreaker to get information about taking away Stinky Tank Top’s new powers. They found a scientist at Economics Land who filled them in about how stinky Tank top became so powerful. Let’s just say the detergent didn’t work. As we left Hoodie Man 4, we knew how Winter Gear Girl teamed up against Hoodie Man, and wanted to rule the city together.
On with our story.
Our story begins at Economics Land, where Hoodie Man says, “Wow, that is a good story, bravo.” Masked Fleecer said, “I liked the story, but aren’t you going to study? Isn’t that what scientists do?” The scientist said, “What a brilliant idea. Let me take you to my secret lair.” He took them to the library. Wind Breaker said, “What are we supposed to be doing here?” The scientist said, “Absolutely nothing. You can go over to the golden books’ kiddie section, and learn if that little train ever made it to the top of the mountain. In the mean time I will study up on genetic mutations.”
So Hoodie Man and his friends went over to the Kiddie section but found a book on genetic mutations. “Kids are so smart these days”, said Windbreaker. Mean while the scientist was looking through the adult genetic mutation section but said, “These books are mostly useless, but wait, what is this one over here?” He pulled out a book titled, “How to air fry a chicken in your washing machine.” Another useless book. But before he put it back, he flipped to the back of the book and it said, “Preview for our next book, Genetic Mutations and how to cure them.” But where was that book? ……..suspense………..
“Hey, Mr. Scientist” said Sweater Guy, “Look what we found in the Kiddie section.” The scientist said, “Those new librarians are so bad, it’s probably hard to move here from their wrestling career. But, we now have the right book.” They read the book and there was a chapter titled, ………suspense…….
“Removing odors from Tank Top Monsters.”
“Ah, ha, either this has happened before or the writer is good at preparation,” said the scientist. The book said, “Go to the jungle, and you will find a large temple – and inside are magical stone carvings called the Elderphants. If you tell them who you are and ask them how to solve your problem, they may give you an answer. They use special elderberry juice which is capable of solving every problem. It is a cure for everything, including stinky tank top monsters. If the stones give you their Elderberry juice, you should sprinkle it on Stinky Tank Top; however, it has not been tested yet, so try it and see.” Hoodie Man and the team drove his car the jungle, followed the instructions, and received a jar of Elderberry juice from the Elderphants. Before he left he thanked them and gave them his business card. When Hoodie Man returned to his car, his keys were missing. “Oh, no, who would take my car keys. And look, they also took my copy of “The Little Engine that Could” which I have to take back to the library.“ ………….suspense………
Then he saw a little monkey holding his keys and his book. Fortunately, Sweater guy had a banana in his lunch bag and tried to use it to get the keys and book back but the Monkey was too fast and took the banana and kept the keys and book. Hoodie Man said, “Ok, lets see if the juice can fix anything.” And sprinkled some on the monkey. Suddenly, the Grim Reaper appeared to the monkey (but not to anyone else) and said, “Monkey do you want to go to the good place or the bad place. Right now I am thinking Bad Place!” The monkey looked very scared and dropped the keys and the book and took off in a flash before the Grim Reaper could catch him. Hoodie Man said, “That monkey sure had a change of heart so I guess the juice works. Let’s go find Stinky Tank Top. Wait a minute, where is my GPS? That monkey!!! Well, I guess we will have to go back to the Elderphants to ask directions to get out of here and find Stinky.” So they went back to the Elderphants who said, “We can help you get to Stinky Tank Top, go into the next room and you will see a portal called, The Nemesis Portal, and step inside.” WWWWOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH!!! ……..suspense……..
They appeared right next to a gigantic castle. They walked toward the gates and opened them. Hoodie Man walked in and shouted, “Where are you, Stinky? I’ll bet you thought I was a goner when I went into that sewer. Wrong. Here I am stronger than ever. So, it is time for our final battle.” Stinky walked down a staircase and said, “Well, well, if it isn’t my arch nemesis, little tiny Hoodie Man.”
Hoodie Man said, “Insults can’t defeat me, but me and my friends can defeat you.”
Stinky Tank Top said, “Want to bet on that?” Hoodie man said, “Are we playing games now? Why don’t you come a little closer if you are so sure?” Stinky Tank Top ran at Hoodie Man and tried to hit him with his large fist, but he slipped and missed him. Hoodie Man laughed and said, “So it has come to this.” Hoodie Man decided on a final insult, he would give Stinky a wet willie. Hoodie man licked his finger and climbed up Stinky’s sweaty body and stuck his finger in Stinky’s big ear. Hoodie Man took out the elderberry juice and poured the whole jar on Stinky Tank Top’s head. But it splashed off Stinky’s sweaty head and on to Hoody Man. ……….suspense……….
“Well, this is NOT what I wanted to have happen,” said Hoodie Man. At that moment, the Grim Reaper appeared to Hoodie Man and said, “Well, someone has been a really bad boy. That is why you are getting sent down! Really, down!” Of course, Hoodie Man thought of the Devil’s place, but it was not that bad. He woke up finding himself with a pick axe in front of a mine opening with a sign that read, “All dirt miners enter here.” Hoodie Man thought, “This is not good at all!”
Will Hoodie Man escape from the dirt mine? Will he find a valuable ore or just a hunk of dirt….or…..? What happened to his friends?
Tune in next time for Hoodie Man 6 – Working in the Dirt Mine.
He is the Bearer of the Zipper. He is the Crusader of the Coats. No tank top is safe. It’s Hoodie Man! But every hero has to have a nemesis, and his is Winter Gear Girl who betrayed him and made his other enemy, Stinky Tank top, more powerful.
And framed Hoodie Man for it. He and his friends, Sweater Man and Jill Monsoon were sent to jail. But they escaped by winning a battle with Stinky Tank Top. After they escaped, they teamed up with Windbreaker to find a secret government science lab to get information about taking away Stinky Tank Top’s new powers. Their first effort, in Hoodie Man 3, failed. Now what?
On with our story.
When Stinky Tank Top kept his powers, Windbreaker said, “Well, this is a disappointment. A voice from behind said “It’s not a disappointment it’s one of our finest works of art.” Hoodie Man said “Who are you?” A small man walked to Hoodie Man and said “Hey, I am Exypnos. And this fine work here is project Tank Top. There are just a few kinks I need to take out.” Hoodie Man said, “A few Kinks!” As he opened up the door to reveal Hoodie Monster. Exypnos said, “I did not make that.” Hoodie man said, “I was just experimenting with your washing machine.
What is the purpose of it?” Exypnos said, “Well it all started when the Mayor did not want to lose his Tank tops.” But then a voice interrupted and said, “Did you enjoy your Honey Stingers, Hoodie Man?” The Windbreaker turned around and said, “Scarfskin, what are you doing here?” Scarfskin said, “I do not want you; I want Hoodie Man and that is because Scarfskin never really existed.” As he tore off the scarf and tossed his leather jacket to the ground, he said, “I am not even a guy, my name is Winter Gear Girl. Hoodie Man said, “Winter Gear Girl, what are you doing here?” She said, “Simple enough, I was spying on you when I was disguised as Scarfskin. I know all about your plans to take away Stinky Tank Top’s powers!” Then Hoodie Man ran to the other side of the Lab to the washing machine and ripped open the door. He said, “Hoodie Monster, Attack!” The Hoodie Monster ran out of the washing machine and attacked and tackled Winter Gear Girl…………suspense……..
The team ran into a different room in the lab and saw a new invention on a table. There were several jet packs, one for each of them. Hoodie Man said, “Quick, everyone grab one of these.” They strapped the jet packs on their backs, except for Exypnos. He said, “Those Jet Packs are unsafe. I will do it the nanny way” and he pulled out an umbrella. They all ran out of the lab and they took off flying. Windbreaker said, “This is more fun that sitting in first class on my plane, RIP, Rest in Pieces plane. (Author note, his plane went up in flames in the last book). They noticed Exypnos slowly floating with his umbrella. Masked Fleecer said, “Hurry up Einstein.” Exypnos said, “My name is not Einstein.” Sweater Guy said, “Whatever Einstein, just go faster.”
As Exypnos cranked up the speed on his umbrella he yelled, “My name is not Einstein, it is Exypnos!” Hoodie said, “At least you are going faster, Einstein.” “AAARRGGGUUUHHH” said Einstein. (Even the author is calling him Einstein). Exypnos said, “I am going to quit helping you then and I will fly off to a country where they do not make fun of my name.” So, he flew to Arizona, which he thought was a foreign country. Hoodie Man said, “Well it looks like we lost our scientist who could help us learn about Stinky Tank Top. We need to find someone really smart, really fast.” Jill Monsoon said, “What about Melon Tusk?” Windbreaker said, “Wasn’t he arrested for being a crazy person after his idea for arm wallet chips. Those are WWWEEEIIIRRRDDD!” Masked Fleecer rolled up his sleeve and said, “It’s not weird. Look I just bought something off of the on-line monkey shop with mine.” Hoodie Man said, “I don’t think Mr. Tusk can help us. But I know who can. I saw another scientist run out of the building when we were escaping. He said he was off to Economics Land, (the most boring theme park of all time), to see a light show about supply and demand, or something.”
So, our heroes flew off to Economics Land. Once they arrived, they had to answer an economics question to get in. Their question was, “Brady has enough money for a movie ticket and one popcorn. There were 2 movies showing and two sizes of popcorn One movie was $ 4.00 and the other was $6.00 and the small popcorn was $20.00 and the large was $60.00. Brady only had $44.00. What could he do if he spent all of his money? Hoodie Man quickly answered that he could get a small popcorn and see the $6.00 movie. The attendant said, “WRONG”, that is so wrong that you not only can’t get in, you have to go into the supply and demand dungeon and learn some math. So, they were put in the dungeon, and guess who was also in there……….suspense……..
There was the scientist and Zelon Tusk. Mr. Tusk said, “Stupid question. I did not want to spend all of my money on a movie and popcorn. The Scientist said, “I always hated Math.” Windbreaker said, “I know the answer and I can get us out of here. Hey guard the answer is, 2 small popcorns and the $4.00 movie.” The guard said, “You are right, go have fun in Economics Land. They took the scientist with them but Zelon Tusk was so annoying that they left him in the dungeon. Windbreaker asked the scientist to tell them all about project Tank Top. The scientist said, “What, I don’t know about Project Tank Top. What do you mean?” Hoodie Man said, “You sound guilty. Tell us what you know or back in the dungeon you go. Hey, I made a rhyme.” The scientist said, “Alright, you can know what project tank top is.” ………….suspense……….
“It all started when the Mayor did not want to have to send his dirty his tank tops out to be cleaned because he was pretty sure the dry cleaners would steal or damage his precious tank tops. So, he came to us, the secret government scientists. We came up with a faster washing machine he could keep in his house and a better detergent that would the tops would cling to him. We invited a scientist from another country to look at our invention, his name was Stinky. We said we were going to clean this smelly and stained tank top. They put it in the new washing machine and started it. But Stinky reminded us that we had forgotten the detergent and that we had not closed the lid. The lid was stuck. Stinky climbed to the top of the Washing machine with some detergent and when he yanked on the lid he fell in, the lid closed and he and the tank top spun and spun until he and the tank top were one. We tried to learn about this new mutation but there was no information about it. When Stinky emerged from the machine, he was very large and very powerful. And he was still stinking. Thus, his new name, Stinky Tank Top.”
As we were evacuating, we saw Winter Gear girl approach the giant monster and say, “I can help you in your rise to power. But you need to do me a favor. Help me defeat Hoodie Man, and we can rule the city together.”
Will Stinky Tank Top and winter Gear Girl rule the city? Will Hoodie Man find a cure to take away Stinky Tank Top’s powers?
He is the Bearer of the Zipper. He is the Crusader of the Coats. No tank top is safe. It’s Hoodie Man! But every hero has to have a nemesis, and his is Winter Gear Girl, who betrayed him and made his other enemy, Stinky Tank top, more powerful, and framed Hoodie Man for it. He and his friends, Sweater Man and Jill Monsoon were sent to jail. The Masked Fleecer helped Hoodie Man and his friends escape. They went to take away Stinky Tank Top’s new powers. Masked Fleecer grabbed a bucket of clean water and good detergent and threw it on Stinky Tank Top. “Oh no! My mold is falling off, and I don’t stink anymore.” Stinky Tank top went home and got some hot glue and glued all of the old mold back on. “Aahh, that feels better,” said Stinky Tank Top. But when he tried to glue mold on Winter Gear Girl, she screamed and ran away!
Now on with our story.
Hoodie Man ran out of prison, called the Rainbow Institute, and said, “Wow. That feels good.” Masked Fleecer said, “What did you do with the Jailhouse Hoodie?” Hoodie Man said, “Didn’t you notice, I took off my regular hoodie and put on the Jailhouse hoodie. Sweater Guy and Jill Monsoon ran out of the prison. When they saw Hoodie Man with the different hoodie, Sweater Guy said, “Please change out of that hoodie, you look like a cartoon drawn in 2020, that strange year!” Hoodie Man said, “OK, I’ll change” as he ducked behind a big rock.
Right after he changed, the four friends heard a big THUD, then another THUD, then another THUD. They looked up and saw Stinky Tank Top stomping toward them, who said, “You may have dunked me in detergent to get rid of my mold, but life is always good when you have a handy glue gun around.” Stinky said, “Now I will get my revenge!” Jill Monsoon asked, “When did someone splash detergent all over you?” Stinky said, “Well, it is kind of a long story.” Hoodie Man said, ”Now is the perfect time to escape because Stinky is distracted.” And they went into a sewer.
Hoodie Man said, “I know this place is gross, but I know exactly where we need to go.” He found a door with a worn out sign that read, “Hornet Hive” and Hoodie Man knocked and said, “I would like to speak with the Windbreaker.”
A voice coming from behind the door said, “OK, come on in.” Hoodie Man walked inside and went up to a bar with rusty stools and said, “This is the bar called the Pollenator.” Masked Fleecer said, “I see where they are going with the whole bee theme.” Hoodie Man said to the bartender, “Where is the Windbreaker?” Then a voice from behind Hoodie Man said, “I am right here!” Hoodie Man turned around and saw……………suspense……..
He saw a dark figure in a shiny black coat with a pullover top with three horns on his head. The figure said, “I am the Tempest King, I am the Caller of the Wind, and they call me, Windbreaker!” Hoodie Man asked the Windbreaker, “How can we stop Stinky Tank Top from doing his evil plans?” Windbreaker said, “Spin around three times, while holding your nose with one hand and sticking your finger in your ear with the other hand.” “OK”, said Hoodie Man, but are you sure this will work?” Windbreaker said, “No, I was just Kidding! But I do have tabs on a government science lab that may have the answer and you should check there.” Hoodie Man said, “How do we get there?” Windbreaker pointed to himself and said, “Me.”
Windbreaker looked at the bartender and said, “Scarfskin, can you get us five honey stingers for the road, non-alcoholic please.” Jill Monsoon put a roll of cash on the bar and said, “I like your leather jacker, Scarfskin, and I’ll pay.” Scarfskin put five reddish, orangish, goldish, drinks on the bar. Windbreaker said, “Scarfskin, you did a really good job for your first day working here.” The four friends thought the drinks would be sweet because of the name. But they did not know two things. First, Scarfskin put really red hot ghost peppers in the stingers instead of honey , and that Scarfskin was really………..suspense………
Winter Gear Girl in disguise. (Authors note: This could get interesting)
Windbreaker said, “There is a path through this tunnel in the sewer that can lead us to the airport where my plane is and it will be a quick flight to the government labs.” They all got on to the plane, and all started drinking their stingers. Hoodie Man covered his mouth and said, “So Hot, So Hot!” Masked Fleecer yelled, “AAAIIIEEE. Are Fleeces flammable?” Sweater Guy said, ”Stomach. On. Fire.” As he passed out on the floor. Jill Monsoon, said, “This stinger is great. Thank you, Scarfskin. But then the peppers hit and she said, “Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. I’ll get you for that Scarfskin.” Windbreaker took a big drink of his stinger, and spit it out all over the controls of the plane. The heat caused the direction monitor to blank out and just show an exclamation mark. And none of the other controls would work. “Oops” said Windbreaker, “and we are out over the ocean. We have to all jump out of the plane before it crashes.” He handed everyone a parachute and they jumped out.
They landed in the water which was, thank goodness, nice and cold. Hoodie Man saw a big sign that read, “SECRET GOVERNMENT SCIENCE LAB” and said to the Windbreaker, “We made it. We made it.” So, they swam to the lab and Hoodie man ran inside. He stared in awe at all of the contraptions. There was a machine that made hoodies for hot summer days, a car with only one wheel, a stove that only went to cold, a refrigerator that only went to warm, a telephone that only called animals who had a phone, and other contraptions that no one could ever use. “Yep, it is a government plant alright”, said Windbreaker, ”but we need to find information on Stinky Tank Top.” Hoodie Man saw a covered up contraption in the corner of the lab. When he took the cover off, he saw a big washing machine. He rubbed some dirt on the jail house hoodie and put it in the washer with some detergent. Then, he hit the START button. …………….suspense………..
Hoodie Man waited for three seconds and the machine signal said DONE! When he took out the Jail House Hoodie, it was completely clean. Hoodie Man called over the rest of his friends and said, “Come on guys, look at this.” This must have been the washing machine that turned Stinky into Stinky Tank Top when they forgot to put in the detergent. So, they put some more dirt on the Jail house Hoodie and put it back in the washer without the detergent. In three seconds, the hoodie came out and started biting Hoodie Man’s leg. Windbreaker said that could be what created evil Stinky Tank Top but to test it, he put some more dirt on the hoodie and put it back in the washer but this time with the detergent. In three seconds, it came out but it was still evil, the detergent did not work. It will not fix evil. Hoodie Man pushed the evil hoodie back into the washer and locked it in so it could not do any more harm. Hoodie man said,” Oh no. If the washer won’t turn Stinky Tank top back to normal, what will?”
What will turn Stinky Tank Top back to normal? Will Hoodie Man ever order another stinger? What is Winter Gear Girl up to?
Tune in next time for Hoodie Man 4, Project Tank Top.