Hey, Book Sailors! The Summer Smackdown Reading Regatta has reached the finish line…and you will NOT believe who won! (OK, you might.)
Here is the reading list and point total for Brady:
J.K. Rowling – Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (500)
J.K Rowling – Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (500)
J.K. Rowling – Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (500)
J.K. Rowling – Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (1,000)
J.K. Rowling – Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (1,000)
J.K. Rowling – Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (1,000)
J.K. Rowling – Harry Potter and the Death Hallows (1,000)
Eoin Colfer – Artemis Fowl (500)
Justina Ireland – Spark of the Resistance (500)
Rae Carson – Rise of Skywalker Novelization (500)
For a grand total of…7,000 points!!!!
And here is the list and point totals for Auntie Obvious:
J.R.R. Tolkien – The Hobbit (250)
J.R.R. Tolkien – The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (500)
Cavan Scott – The Rising Storm (250)
Justina Ireland – Out of the Shadows (250)
Daniel José Older – Race to Crashpoint Tower (250)
Rebecca Roanhorse – Race to the Sun (250)
Patrick DeWitt – Undermajordomo Minor (250)
Madeleine L’Engle – A Wind in the Door (250)
Susan Meissner – The Nature of Fragile Things (250)
For a grand total of…2,500 points! Oh, wait. We have to add in the 3,250 pity points that Brady gave to Auntie Obvious to make the contest more interesting. So that’s a total of 5,750 points!
So the reigning champion of the First Annual Summer Smackdown Reading Regatta is…Auntie Obvious!
[Brady: Are you sure you did the math right, Auntie Obvious?]
[Auntie Obvious: Um….it appears that my math was right, but I might have made a teeeeensy typo and misspelled “Brady” as “Auntie Obvious”. It could happen to anyone. Anyway, well, done, my Book Sailing friend! What are you with all your winnings?]
[Brady: We didn’t have a budget for prize money, remember? How about you give me one Twinkie, and a Snips* plus a refill?]
[Auntie Obvious: OK, done.]
We hope you enjoyed the Summer Smackdown Reading Regatta. Come back next summer, when it will be bigger and better!
[Brady: Does that mean prize money?]
[Auntie Obvious: No. I just thought that sounded good.]
Keep Reading…Sail On!
*A Sprite Zero and Orange Juice – we call it a “Snips” because it is orange, and we both love Ahsoka Tano.
Brady: So far, I’ve read Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and I’ve started Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Oh, and so far my kickstarter, I got to count Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
Auntie Obvious: Well, I just finished reading The Hobbit, and I’ve started on The Fellowship of the Ring. BOOM! 250 Points! WOOOHOOOO! How many points have YOU earned so far, Brady?
Brady: About 3,500.
Auntie Obvious: Ok. Well done, then.
Brady: How about if we change the rules?
Auntie Obvious: Why would we change the rules?
Brady: Because I’m totally eating your lunch. We should make it competitve.
Auntie Obvious: OK, I’m listening. What do you have in mind?
Brady: I’ll give you 3,250 bonus points, which makes us tied.
Auntie Obvious: What’s the catch?
Brady: Two Twinkies.
Auntie Obvious: Nope. How about half a Twinkie?
Brady: One Twinkie.
Auntie Obvious: OK. Pleasure doing business with you, Sir.
Let us know in the comments how you are doing with your summer reading! If you missed the start of the Summer Smackdown Reading Regatta, you can pick your own start and end date! Kids, if you have challenged a grownup and you are totally eating their lunch, maybe give them some extra points to make it more interesting!
Ahoy, Mateys! It’s summertime! And we have a special challenge: the First Annual Brady The Book Sailor Summer Smackdown Reading Regatta! A regatta is a boat race, but this will be a reading race! Here’s how it works:
Start Date: Monday, May 31st End Date: Sunday, August 8th
How to Earn Points: Grab your Magic Purple Bookmark (OK, just a regular bookmark will do) and start reading! Invite your friends and family to participate, and earn points for each book based on the system below.
White Water Rafting
Bonus Kickstart for Kids: Kids get to count the last two books that they read before the start date!
[Auntie Obvious: What do Adults get?]
[Brady: You get to choose your own bedtime.]
[Auntie Obvious: And who designed those points? A kid?]
[Brady: Correct. You got a problem with the points? Scared you might get left in my wake?]
[Auntie Obvious: No way! Let’s do this thing!]
[Brady: It is on like Donkey Kong!]
[Auntie Obvious: Do you even know what Donkey Kong is?]
[Brady: Uh, oh. Here comes Auntie’s sad story about how she had to write reports without the Internet and how she had to get up and walk to the television to change the channel.]
[Auntie Obvious: Right. And there were only four of them.]
[Brady: Hey, what’s the prize?]
[Auntie Obvious: We don’t have prizes in the budget, but reading is its own reward. If the top point-getters would like, we’ll give them a shout-out in a future blog post.]
[Brady and Auntie: Ladies and gentlemen, OPEN YOUR BOOKS!!!!!!!]
Let us know what you are reading, and keep us posted on your points by leaving us comments throughout the summer!
[Brady: Come on kids, let’s show those adults who’s boss!]
Thank you for a year of Brady the Book Sailor! I am so, so happy to know that people actually checked this thing out and care about it. I’m also glad to hear that people care about our YouTube Channel and all of the stuff we’ve done. It’s for the viewers, and we try to make as much unique content as possible. And so without further ado, we are going to be presenting to you our list of most popular stories and pages! Coming in third place is Ahoy Mateys with 18 views. In second place is Robot Snowman Merry Goatmas with 21 views. And our most popular thing that you guys have viewed – or rather listened to – is PodSailing with 24 views.
Welcome to our new story The Story of Karlyn Wasbi me and Obvious are next to our campfire roasting smores over this totally true tale!!!!
[Auntie Obvious: Dude. Not every tale needs to be told. This is one of them.]
LA LA LA NPT LISTENING!!!!
Once in the long forgoton year of 2020 an egg started hatching it was a species called a COMMENT TROLL They surfed websites and raided the comments…
[Auntie Obvious: After you finish reading this, if you’d like the last five minutes of your life back, please contact our complaint department, and they will send you a 10-page questionnaire to fill out. It will take about an hour.]
The one that hatched was called Karlyn Wasbi It’s parents Scam Wasbi and Copyright wasbi taught her how to raid a comments section…..
[Actually, looks like this is going to take up more like 10 minutes of your life. Sorry.]
Then when a story called Aqua dolphin went live in june Karlyn made her public debut she asked for an update, she got one. Then she went for MORE she got another one but then Karlyn WENT CRAZY.
[I mean, if there’s a bright spot here, it’s that Brady has to go to school tomorrow, so eventually, this story is gonna have to end.]
Hey! you were Ok with “Why We Changed our Logo” when it aired! this is the absolute same thing!!!
[Auntie Obvious: That one made a little more sense. Hey, peeps, go ahead and let me know who all wants a complaint form.]
Cancel the complaint form program now!!!!
[Auntie Obvious: Pretty sure it’s the law.]
Deleted The Complaint Form Program from existence
[Auntie Obvious: Nice job, genius. That starts the countdown to blow up the entire website.]
Brady The Book Sailor left the website
[Auntie Obvious: Dude, it’s a website, not an airport. You don’t have to announce when you are leaving. Come back soon, everyone to the new AuntieObvious.com website!]
Nope not happening ever. Now time for the unveiling of [***new website***]
our storage ran out…
[***Removed by Auntie Obvious because, DUDE, I *told* you we don’t own that domain name. Domain names cost money! I mean, it’s not like going to the doctor and getting a free lollipop. Well, I mean, technically, your parents and/or their insurance company paid for the lollipop, but it’s free to YOU.]
He is the Bearer of the Zipper. He is the Crusader of the Coats. No tank top is safe. It’s Hoodie Man! But every hero has to have a nemesis, and his is Winter Gear Girl who betrayed him and made his other enemy, Stinky Tank top, more powerful.
And framed Hoodie Man for it. He and his friends, Sweater Man and Jill Monsoon were sent to jail. But they escaped by winning a battle with Stinky Tank Top. After they escaped, they teamed up with Windbreaker to find a secret government science lab to get information about taking away Stinky Tank Top’s new powers. Their first effort, in Hoodie Man 3, failed. Now what?
On with our story.
When Stinky Tank Top kept his powers, Windbreaker said, “Well, this is a disappointment. A voice from behind said “It’s not a disappointment it’s one of our finest works of art.” Hoodie Man said “Who are you?” A small man walked to Hoodie Man and said “Hey, I am Exypnos. And this fine work here is project Tank Top. There are just a few kinks I need to take out.” Hoodie Man said, “A few Kinks!” As he opened up the door to reveal Hoodie Monster. Exypnos said, “I did not make that.” Hoodie man said, “I was just experimenting with your washing machine.
What is the purpose of it?” Exypnos said, “Well it all started when the Mayor did not want to lose his Tank tops.” But then a voice interrupted and said, “Did you enjoy your Honey Stingers, Hoodie Man?” The Windbreaker turned around and said, “Scarfskin, what are you doing here?” Scarfskin said, “I do not want you; I want Hoodie Man and that is because Scarfskin never really existed.” As he tore off the scarf and tossed his leather jacket to the ground, he said, “I am not even a guy, my name is Winter Gear Girl. Hoodie Man said, “Winter Gear Girl, what are you doing here?” She said, “Simple enough, I was spying on you when I was disguised as Scarfskin. I know all about your plans to take away Stinky Tank Top’s powers!” Then Hoodie Man ran to the other side of the Lab to the washing machine and ripped open the door. He said, “Hoodie Monster, Attack!” The Hoodie Monster ran out of the washing machine and attacked and tackled Winter Gear Girl…………suspense……..
The team ran into a different room in the lab and saw a new invention on a table. There were several jet packs, one for each of them. Hoodie Man said, “Quick, everyone grab one of these.” They strapped the jet packs on their backs, except for Exypnos. He said, “Those Jet Packs are unsafe. I will do it the nanny way” and he pulled out an umbrella. They all ran out of the lab and they took off flying. Windbreaker said, “This is more fun that sitting in first class on my plane, RIP, Rest in Pieces plane. (Author note, his plane went up in flames in the last book). They noticed Exypnos slowly floating with his umbrella. Masked Fleecer said, “Hurry up Einstein.” Exypnos said, “My name is not Einstein.” Sweater Guy said, “Whatever Einstein, just go faster.”
As Exypnos cranked up the speed on his umbrella he yelled, “My name is not Einstein, it is Exypnos!” Hoodie said, “At least you are going faster, Einstein.” “AAARRGGGUUUHHH” said Einstein. (Even the author is calling him Einstein). Exypnos said, “I am going to quit helping you then and I will fly off to a country where they do not make fun of my name.” So, he flew to Arizona, which he thought was a foreign country. Hoodie Man said, “Well it looks like we lost our scientist who could help us learn about Stinky Tank Top. We need to find someone really smart, really fast.” Jill Monsoon said, “What about Melon Tusk?” Windbreaker said, “Wasn’t he arrested for being a crazy person after his idea for arm wallet chips. Those are WWWEEEIIIRRRDDD!” Masked Fleecer rolled up his sleeve and said, “It’s not weird. Look I just bought something off of the on-line monkey shop with mine.” Hoodie Man said, “I don’t think Mr. Tusk can help us. But I know who can. I saw another scientist run out of the building when we were escaping. He said he was off to Economics Land, (the most boring theme park of all time), to see a light show about supply and demand, or something.”
So, our heroes flew off to Economics Land. Once they arrived, they had to answer an economics question to get in. Their question was, “Brady has enough money for a movie ticket and one popcorn. There were 2 movies showing and two sizes of popcorn One movie was $ 4.00 and the other was $6.00 and the small popcorn was $20.00 and the large was $60.00. Brady only had $44.00. What could he do if he spent all of his money? Hoodie Man quickly answered that he could get a small popcorn and see the $6.00 movie. The attendant said, “WRONG”, that is so wrong that you not only can’t get in, you have to go into the supply and demand dungeon and learn some math. So, they were put in the dungeon, and guess who was also in there……….suspense……..
There was the scientist and Zelon Tusk. Mr. Tusk said, “Stupid question. I did not want to spend all of my money on a movie and popcorn. The Scientist said, “I always hated Math.” Windbreaker said, “I know the answer and I can get us out of here. Hey guard the answer is, 2 small popcorns and the $4.00 movie.” The guard said, “You are right, go have fun in Economics Land. They took the scientist with them but Zelon Tusk was so annoying that they left him in the dungeon. Windbreaker asked the scientist to tell them all about project Tank Top. The scientist said, “What, I don’t know about Project Tank Top. What do you mean?” Hoodie Man said, “You sound guilty. Tell us what you know or back in the dungeon you go. Hey, I made a rhyme.” The scientist said, “Alright, you can know what project tank top is.” ………….suspense……….
“It all started when the Mayor did not want to have to send his dirty his tank tops out to be cleaned because he was pretty sure the dry cleaners would steal or damage his precious tank tops. So, he came to us, the secret government scientists. We came up with a faster washing machine he could keep in his house and a better detergent that would the tops would cling to him. We invited a scientist from another country to look at our invention, his name was Stinky. We said we were going to clean this smelly and stained tank top. They put it in the new washing machine and started it. But Stinky reminded us that we had forgotten the detergent and that we had not closed the lid. The lid was stuck. Stinky climbed to the top of the Washing machine with some detergent and when he yanked on the lid he fell in, the lid closed and he and the tank top spun and spun until he and the tank top were one. We tried to learn about this new mutation but there was no information about it. When Stinky emerged from the machine, he was very large and very powerful. And he was still stinking. Thus, his new name, Stinky Tank Top.”
As we were evacuating, we saw Winter Gear girl approach the giant monster and say, “I can help you in your rise to power. But you need to do me a favor. Help me defeat Hoodie Man, and we can rule the city together.”
Will Stinky Tank Top and winter Gear Girl rule the city? Will Hoodie Man find a cure to take away Stinky Tank Top’s powers?
By Auntie Obvious (Who is very grateful to Brady The Book Sailor for giving her some space on this website!)
Auntie Obvious loved to read. Now, if you are wondering how Auntie Obvious got her name, well…that’s kind of a long story. One for a different day.
On this day, Auntie Obvious was looking for her special bookmark. On the bookmark was a drawing of two happy dolphins playing in the ocean. The best part was the teeeeeny ceramic dolphin that hung from a light blue tassel that was looped around the top.
Auntie Obvious looked everywhere, and she found a lot of OTHER bookmarks that she was kind of embarrassed to admit she’d forgotten about – but her special bookmark was nowhere to be found.Just as Auntie Obvious was peeking underneath her refrigerator (where she found several dust bunnies, but no dolphin bookmarks), her cell phone started ringing. She stood up, brushed the dust bunnies off her sweatpants (she would have to deal with them later), and picked up the phone. It was an unknown number, which Auntie Obvious always found really annoying. She usually let those calls go to voice mail, but she picked up anyway. “Hello?”
“Oh, finally noticed I was gone, did you?”
Auntie Obvious was puzzled. “Who is this?”
“Duh,” said the voice on the other end of the line. “It’s your special bookmark, Marky.”
Auntie Obvious laughed nervously. She wondered what people would think if they knew she was having a phone conversation with a bookmark. “Your…name is Marky?”
“OH, YOU THINK MY NAME IS FUNNY?”
“No, no…that’s…um…an excellent name. So…uh, Marky…where are you?”
“Where are you?” Marky repeated in a mocking tone. “Don’t you care HOW I am?”
Apparently, Auntie Obvious had breached some sort of bookmark etiquette. “Um…yes! Of course! So…uh…Marky…HOW are you?”
“Actually, I’m terrible. Thanks for finally asking. Took you long enough.”
Auntie Obvious thought very carefully about her next question. She wanted to ask, “How did you get a cell phone?” Or, “How did you dial my number with no fingers?” But she didn’t want to breach bookmark etiquette again, so she took a deep breath, and said, “I’m really sorry to hear that, Marky. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Why yes,” said Marky, “there is.” “You can stop spending so much time with Doo Doo Head.”
Auntie Obvious was shocked. Even more shocked than she was to find herself talking on the phone to a bookmark. “You take that back RIGHT NOW, or I’m hanging up the phone,” she said sternly. “How DARE you talk about my nephew, Brady, that way?”
For a moment, there was silence on the other end of the line. Then Marky said, “Wait, what? I love Brady! He’s totally awesome! Why do you think he’s a Doo Doo Head?”
Auntie Obvious screamed into the phone: “I don’t! He’s NOT a Doo Doo Head! YOU said he was a Doo Doo Head!”
“I DID NOT SAY BRADY WAS A DOO DOO HEAD!”
Auntie Obvious took a deep breath. Now she wasn’t just talking on the phone to a bookmark. She was having a shouting match with one that involved using the word “Doo Doo Head”. A lot. She probably needed to lie down. Instead, she said, “OK, Marky, you clearly called *someone* a Doo Doo Head. So can you please tell me WHO the Doo Doo Head is?
“Oh, like you don’t KNOW.”
Auntie Obvious’ right eyebrow began to twitch. “Can you give me a hint? I mean, we’re in the middle of a pandemic. It’s not like I’ve been hanging out with very many people.”
“OK, fine. Since you clearly NEED A CLUE, I’ll give you four. ONE: Doo Doo Head is rectangular. TWO: Doo Doo Head has a purple cover. THREE: Doo Doo Head holds loads of books. Four: Doo Doo Head turns into a useless hunk of scrap metal and plastic when his battery runs out.”
Two clues in, Auntie Obvious was pretty sure she understood. “We’re…um…talking about my e-reader, aren’t we?”
“Took you long enough.”
“But…I…really LOVE my e-reader,” Auntie Obvious wailed. “I can take it on trips, and it hardly takes up any space in my suitcase!”
“Oh,” said Marky. “So you’ve done a lot of travelling in 2020?”
“I…well…I mean…no,” Auntie Obvious sputtered. “But…but…I can ALSO use it to highlight important passages while I’m reading a book!”
“Wow, that is impressive,” said Marky sarcastically. “If only there was something you could use to highlight important passages in regular books. You could call it…oh, I don’t know…a HIGHLIGHTER???
Auntie Obvious plopped down on the couch and sighed. She was not only having a loud argument over the phone with a bookmark, but the bookmark was actually making some excellent points. “Look, she said. Can’t I love you both? Maybe you could think of Libby as your annoying little sister?”
“My e-reader! Because it sounds kind of like “Library”! Ha, ha!”
“Oh, THAT’s super original,” Marky scoffed.
Auntie Obvious started to point out to Marky that bookmarks who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, but she needed to get the conversation back on track. “Come on, wouldn’t it be great if we were all a big, happy, book reading family?”
“Fine,” said Marky. “But I have two conditions.”
“OK, what’s the first one?”
“You have to promise that my next job will be holding your place in a book from an independent, locally owned bookstore.”
“OK, that’s super reasonable,” said Auntie Obvious. What’s the other condition?”
“Your nephew’s website, BradyTheBookSailor.com, is doing a great job helping to get kids interested in reading. You should get him some promotional merch that will remind people to visit the website, so even MORE people will learn to love reading.”
“Wow, that’s actually a great idea,” said Auntie Obvious. “What do you think I should get? Drink koozies?”
“How about paper clip holders?”
“Ewwwwww. Gross. And probably really expensive”
“Yeah, that’s true. Hey! What about…bookmarks?”
“Took you long enough.”
So Auntie Obvious hung up the phone and ordered some promotional bookmarks for BradyTheBookSailor.com. Then she went online and ordered a book from her local, independently-owned bookstore.
Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Auntie Obvious saw a flash of movement. Right there, on the top of her “to be read” bookcase – where she was sure she had already looked a dozen times – was a teeny ceramic blue dolphin swinging on a light blue tassel…attached to a bookmark. It was Marky!
Auntie Obvious was super excited to find her special bookmark. And even though Marky and Libby were always a teeeeeensy bit jealous of each other, they all lived happily ever after as a big, happy, book reading – and book sailing – family.