Hey, Book Sailors! Auntie Obvious here. Brady and I binged the entire MCU in 2021, and we wanted to share this poem with you. I wrote the first draft, and then showed it to Brady. He super politely told me that it was good, but that he had some ideas to make it even better. (He was right.) Never underestimate the power of a good story editor! Feel free to dive right in, or if you’d like a refresher on Book Sailors (and GrapeBeard the friendly pirate), you can check out The Legends of Brady the Book Sailor.
‘Twas Three Weeks Before Christmas (MCU Edition)
‘Twas three weeks before Christmas, but that wasn’t all,
It was time for the MCU Book Sailor Ball!
Brady and Auntie were in excellent cheer.
(They watched the whole MCU for the first time this year)!
Their +1 for the party was the pirate GrapeB.
He had a beard full of grapes and he smelled like the sea.
They turned onto Bleeker, as silent as ninjas,
When 177A’s doors blew right off their hinges!
Out ran three Hulks, two Rhodeys, four Draxes,
Five Thors with hammers, and three Thors with Axes.
Four Quills, four Gamoras, it was super exiting!
(Some of them dancing, and some of them fighting.)
Six T’Challas, Five Shuri’s, four Wandas, three Visions,
Six Rocket Racoons, (with loads of munitions)
Five Natashas, Four Furys (alert for an ambush),
Five Yelenas with two dogs named Fanny and Tush.
All of the Lokis (with helmets of gold),
A bunch of Steve Rogerses (both young and old),
Ten different Shang-Chis with One Hundred Rings,
A bunch of Sam Wilsons with both shields and wings.
Three Captain Marvels, Three Kates and three Clints,
(Oooh, maybe they’ll share Hawkeye spoilers and hints),
Three Mantises, Three Groots (adult, baby, teen),
And several Pietros (hyped up on caffeine).
Three Wasps and six Ant-Men, a bunch of Eternals,
Some Happys and Buckys (with airplanes and journals).
Five Peppers, five Tonys (who loved her, always),
Five Peters, five MJs, five Neds, Bens, and Mays.
That left one Dr. Strange, who was chastizing Wong,
Brady said, “Excuse us, Doctor, has the Ball gone all wrong”?
“No, welcome, Book Sailors! Sorry for my curses!
But Wong KNOWS that our party policy is NO multiverses!”
Wong shook all their hands and said, “Please follow me!”
And stepped through a gateway labeled, “Party Plan B”!
They emerged at a building that gleamed and it shined,
With “Rogers: The Musical” on large yellow signs!
Wong said to the usher, “I don’t mean to presume,
But might we get 200 rush tickets for the MCU room?”
“Oh, yes! Heroes and Book Sailors, please don’t despair!
(The usher was tall, thin, and mustached – and had grey hair.)
“The room is amazing. (Wanda’s the inventor).
With Chaos Magic, each seat is front row center!”
Wong said to the Book Sailors, “You won’t need your masks.
COVID got crushed in the MCU ‘cause we all got vaxxed!”
“Great!” Brady said. “I do have a question for you:
Are the villains invited to attend the ball, too?”
“Like Draykov, Agatha, Mysterio, Ego,
Thanos or Killmonger or Helmut Zemo?”
“Will I see Ultron? Hela? Or yell, DORMAMMU!!!?
Or would they just cause mayhem that you’d have to undo?”
Wong said, “We didn’t invite them because last year’s ball went bad;
Thanos snapped out half the Book Sailors – and their parents were MAD.”
“We let Loki come back, after his change of heart.
Now, take your seats! The show’s about to start!”
“Rogers: The Musical” made them laugh, gasp, and cry!
They ate popcorn and ice cream and a big apple pie.
When the play and the standing ovations were through,
Party Thor stood and said, “NOW what should we do”?
Peter Quill shouted out, “I’ve got an idea that’s groovy!
Let’s binge watch all the MCU series and movies!”
Brady said, “What fun, but I’m now in a fix.
That’ll take DAYS, but I’m due home at six.”
“No worries, kid,” said Rocket Racoon,
“The spirits (and Wanda) will do it all in one afternoon!”
“But there’s still one issue that might cause disorder:
Do we watch them in story or release date order?”
Wanda said, “Please refrain from fights or taunts.
My Chaos Magic shows the order that each person wants!”
So they settled in their chairs with a snack and a drink.
And what should’ve taken DAYS went by in a blink.
At the final post-credit scene, they all gave a cheer,
Auntie said, “I’m glad I thought of watching the MCU this year!”
GrapeB said, “Auntie, your jokes are the WORST.
We all know that Brady totally thought of this first.”
As Auntie said, “Humph! My jokes are all witty!”
GrapeB looked down and cooed, “Awww, who’s a good kitty?”
GrapeB reached out his hand to give the furball a pat.
But Brady full body tackled him, yelling, “THAT IS NO CAT!!”
With the crisis averted, they headed for the door
The MCU Book Sailor Ball was all they’d hoped for and more.
Brady said, “Thank you so much to everyone here
For the friendship and laughter and inspiration this year.”
They all walked out humming the “Save the City” song,
Brady winked at the usher (it was Stan Lee all along).
“Thanks, Stan for your stories, they really do shine.
Merry Christmas to all – in every timeline!”
Written by: Auntie Kimberly
Story editor: Brady
Featuring (in order of appearance): Hulk, Rhodey, Drax, Thor, Peter Quill, Gamora, T’Challa, Shuri, Wanda, Vision, Rocket Racoon, Natasha, Fury, Yelena, Fanny, Tush, Loki, Steve Rogers, Shang-Chi, Sam Wilson, Captain Marvel, Kate, Clint, Mantis, Groot, Pietro, Wasp, Ant-Man, Eternals, Happy, Bucky, Pepper, Tony, Peter, MJ, Ned, Ben, May, Dr. Strange, Wong, and Stan Lee.
If we could show you this poem on a cinema screen
You KNOW that there’d be a post-credits scene.
So before the ball ended, Brady asked, “a favor, pretty please?,”
“I’m feeling kind of hungry. Can we all stop at McD’s?”
Auntie said, “Brady, that would be a mistake!
New York has the BEST food! Pizza! And cheesecake!”
Tony Stark said, “Brady, your Auntie has a good point.
About two blocks away there’s a great Shawarma joint.”
So they all ordered Shawarma before the ball adjourned.
And quietly ate ‘round a table. (The Book Sailors Will Return).