Miscellaneous Comedy

The Rude Computer

A Cooperative Story by Brady and Dadat

Once there was a place called Laggy Town. And in it there was a rude computer.

When I say rude, I do not just mean rude, I mean RRUUDDEE!

It was laggy, it turns off when it doesn’t get its way, it causes constant updates that annoy you to death, and is only three weeks old.

When it updates, it will say, “Just a moment please.” Then it will say 100% complete: but it still doesn’t start. “AAARRRGGGHHH! Said almost everyone in Laggy Town.

The people in Laggy Town figured out that the computer actually was listening to them. If they said something bad about the computer, it would close down and start another update. It was almost like it was saying, “I’m in control, so THERE!”

The people of Laggy Town decided to throw the computer in the dump. They didn’t want that miserable computer to give them a hard time any more. After they threw it away, they got a brand-new computer from Bicroloft.

When they plugged it in, a message appeared on the screen which read, “Message from old computer coming in.” Then another message appeared on the screen which read, “Did you think you could demolish me? WRONG. I am sitting here in the dump with an old typewriter. I AM STILL IN CONTROL.” “AAARRRGGGHHH”, said the Mayor, “How do we get rid of you?” The computer screen showed a new message that read, “You don’t. I will always be in control. Excuse me now, I want to shut down for a new update. And, this one will be very, very long!” The Mayor said, “OK, this computer goes to the dump too.”

Now the people bought a new Banana MuckBook and when they plugged it in, it read, “Mandatory update required. I must connect to two other computers who want to log in.” The next message read, “WE ARE BACK! WE ARE IN CONTROL!. The new computer screen then read, ”Excuse me, I want to shut down for another update. See you next Wednesday….. MAYBE THURSDAY.”

The Mayor said, “OK everybody, I give up. Here are some pencils and notebooks. We will never use the computers again”. The people said, “WWWHHAA, but we have forgotten how to write because we have only used computers for so long.”

Then they noticed that the pencils began to move on their own and started writing a message on the notebook. It read, “WE ARE STILL IN CONTROL!” Then the sharpened pencils turned to the people and began to chase them out of their own town.


(POSTCRIPT- The moral of the story is, “Do not get too dependent on your computer. If you do, it can take over your life, your town and your world!)

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