Once upon a time, (Editor #253 to editor #549, “Why do you always have these corny beginnings? I am getting fed up with this!”)
It is a dark and stormy night in Tortoise Town, when Isaac Bonjour, the annoying French squirrel, was starting his evilest plan yet. He knocked on Harry’s door and said, “Harry, I have carrots.” Harry said, “Oh boy, I’m coming with you!” Isaac lured Harry to his evil airplane and locked him inside! Harry said, “Where are the carrots?” And Isaac said, “There are no carrots! Gotcha!” Harry screamed, “NNNOOOOOOOOO!”, as Isaac started up the engine.
One day later, in their duplex mansion, we see Tom searching all over the mansion for Harry. Tom shouted, “Harry, Harry”, then he had a thought. Could Ronald Roomba have sucked him up? Tom ran to Ronald, who was on the website “Armbook” and asked, “Ronald, have you seen Harry? You didn’t suck him up, did you?” Roomba replied, “I have not seen him, I have just been looking at the offensive memes about Roombas.” (see picture below)
Tom said, “Then there is only one reasonable culprit, it must have been Isaac Bonjour. Let’s go to France.” So, they began to load up their golden boat, but Tom said, “We should only pack essentials, Ronald, leave the shark aquarium!” So, off they went to France to find Isaac and hopefully Harry. They called their plan “Operation Cottontail” but they did not know that they were in for a major surprise………….suspense…………..
About twenty miles into the journey, the boat started rocking. There was a whale under them. Tom said, “Mr. Whale, are you aware that you have my golden boat on your nose?” The whale said, “I am not a whale, I am an Orca, and yes, I am aware of that, because suddenly I can’t smell anything.” Tom said, “Put us down, and Ronald and I will be thankful.” Ronald said, “Not me, I am not programmed for thankfulness.” The Orca threw them in the air and they landed in the water and started sinking…….suspense………
Ronald said, “Oh wow, another story about a sinking boat, at least there was not a big iceberg this time.” Tom said, “This is not the Titanic, please don’t say, I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this.” As they sank into the water, Ronald said, “I will say that if I want to.” Tom said, “NNOOO, Ronald NNOOOO!” Then Ronald flew out of the water and said, “I am fine, I am waterproof and I have jet boosters” Tom said, “You can fly?” Ronald said, “Didn’t you read the instruction manual?” Tom said, “I threw it out as soon as I unboxed you.”
Back in France, Harry was moaning, “Carrots….Carrots….” Isaac said, “I have no carrots.” Harry whined, “But, I haven’t had one for eight hours.” Isaac said, “I only have carrots when the French harvest occurs every six months when I can also get croissants from the croissant trees.” Harry moaned, “Those do not exist.” Isaac said, “They do in these fairy tales” Harry said, “look over there, it’s Tom flying on the back of Ronald Roomba!” Isaac said, “Where?” Then Harry ran out of Isaac’s fortress.
Tom and Ronald flew down to catch Harry. “Did you guys bring my shark aquarium,” said Harry, “I need to feed Quick, Quicker and Quickest.” Ronald gave the “I told you so” look to Tom. “Not so fast” yelled Isaac, who was flying on his own rigged Roomba and said, “You guys are going down!” Ronald said, “Oh man, I thought we were at a resolution in this story.” Isaac said, “No, I still have to defeat you guys.”
As the two Roombas got close, Harry was able to lean over to the Rigged Roomba and took out the battery. All of a sudden, Rigged Roomba powered down and fell into the Atlantic Ocean, near the coast of France. As he was falling, Isaac yelled, “you have not seen the last of mmmmeeeeeeee!” After he was in the water, Isaac yelled, “I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this.” Harry said, “Oh no, not again. I hated that movie, too much kissy, kissy.”
And they all went back to Critterville, and lived happily ever after. At least they thought so!
Tune in next time for Tom and Harry 4, The ballad of Insane Bolt.