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Hoodie Man 4: Project Tank Top

He is the Bearer of the Zipper. He is the Crusader of the Coats. No tank top is safe. It’s Hoodie Man! But every hero has to have a nemesis, and his is Winter Gear Girl who betrayed him and made his other enemy, Stinky Tank top, more powerful.

And framed Hoodie Man for it. He and his friends, Sweater Man and Jill Monsoon were sent to jail. But they escaped by winning a battle with Stinky Tank Top. After they escaped, they teamed up with Windbreaker to find a secret government science lab to get information about taking away Stinky Tank Top’s new powers.  Their first effort, in Hoodie Man 3, failed. Now what?

On with our story.

When Stinky Tank Top kept his powers, Windbreaker said, “Well, this is a disappointment. A voice from behind said “It’s not a disappointment it’s one of our finest works of art.” Hoodie Man said “Who are you?” A small man walked to Hoodie Man and said “Hey, I am Exypnos. And this fine work here is project Tank Top. There are just a few kinks I need to take out.” Hoodie Man said, “A few Kinks!” As he opened up the door to reveal Hoodie Monster. Exypnos said, “I did not make that.” Hoodie man said, “I was just experimenting with your washing machine.

What is the purpose of it?” Exypnos said, “Well it all started when the Mayor did not want to lose his Tank tops.” But then a voice interrupted and said, “Did you enjoy your Honey Stingers, Hoodie Man?” The Windbreaker turned around and said, “Scarfskin, what are you doing here?” Scarfskin said, “I do not want you; I want Hoodie Man and that is because Scarfskin never really existed.” As he tore off the scarf and tossed his leather jacket to the ground, he said, “I am not even a guy, my name is Winter Gear Girl. Hoodie Man said, “Winter Gear Girl, what are you doing here?” She said, “Simple enough, I was spying on you when I was disguised as Scarfskin. I know all about your plans to take away Stinky Tank Top’s powers!” Then Hoodie Man ran to the other side of the Lab to the washing machine and ripped open the door. He said, “Hoodie Monster, Attack!” The Hoodie Monster ran out of the washing machine and attacked and tackled Winter Gear Girl…………suspense……..

The team ran into a different room in the lab and saw a new invention on a table. There were several jet packs, one for each of them. Hoodie Man said, “Quick, everyone grab one of these.” They strapped the jet packs on their backs, except for Exypnos. He said, “Those Jet Packs are unsafe. I will do it the nanny way” and he pulled out an umbrella. They all ran out of the lab and they took off flying. Windbreaker said, “This is more fun that sitting in first class on my plane, RIP, Rest in Pieces plane. (Author note, his plane went up in flames in the last book). They noticed Exypnos slowly floating with his umbrella. Masked Fleecer said, “Hurry up Einstein.” Exypnos said, “My name is not Einstein.” Sweater Guy said, “Whatever Einstein, just go faster.”  

As Exypnos cranked up the speed on his umbrella he yelled, “My name is not Einstein, it is Exypnos!”  Hoodie said, “At least you are going faster, Einstein.” “AAARRGGGUUUHHH” said Einstein. (Even the author is calling him Einstein). Exypnos said, “I am going to quit helping you then and I will fly off to a country where they do not make fun of my name.” So, he flew to Arizona, which he thought was a foreign country. Hoodie Man said, “Well it looks like we lost our scientist who could help us learn about Stinky Tank Top. We need to find someone really smart, really fast.” Jill Monsoon said, “What about Melon Tusk?” Windbreaker said, “Wasn’t he arrested for being a crazy person after his idea for arm wallet chips. Those are WWWEEEIIIRRRDDD!”  Masked Fleecer rolled up his sleeve and said, “It’s not weird. Look I just bought something off of the on-line monkey shop with mine.” Hoodie Man said, “I don’t think Mr. Tusk can help us. But I know who can. I saw another scientist run out of the building when we were escaping. He said he was off to Economics Land, (the most boring theme park of all time), to see a light show about supply and demand, or something.”

So, our heroes flew off to Economics Land. Once they arrived, they had to answer an economics question to get in. Their question was, “Brady has enough money for a movie ticket and one popcorn. There were 2 movies showing and two sizes of popcorn One movie was $ 4.00 and the other was $6.00 and the small popcorn was $20.00 and the large was $60.00. Brady only had $44.00. What could he do if he spent all of his money? Hoodie Man quickly answered that he could get a small popcorn and see the $6.00 movie. The attendant said, “WRONG”, that is so wrong that you not only can’t get in, you have to go into the supply and demand dungeon and learn some math. So, they were put in the dungeon, and guess who was also in there……….suspense……..

There was the scientist and Zelon Tusk. Mr. Tusk said, “Stupid question. I did not want to spend all of my money on a movie and popcorn. The Scientist said, “I always hated Math.” Windbreaker said, “I know the answer and I can get us out of here. Hey guard the answer is, 2 small popcorns and the $4.00 movie.” The guard said, “You are right, go have fun in Economics Land.  They took the scientist with them but Zelon Tusk was so annoying that they left him in the dungeon. Windbreaker asked the scientist to tell them all about project Tank Top. The scientist said, “What, I don’t know about Project Tank Top. What do you mean?” Hoodie Man said, “You sound guilty. Tell us what you know or back in the dungeon you go. Hey, I made a rhyme.” The scientist said, “Alright, you can know what project tank top is.” ………….suspense……….

“It all started when the Mayor did not want to have to send his dirty his tank tops out to be cleaned because he was pretty sure the dry cleaners would steal or damage his precious tank tops. So, he came to us, the secret government scientists. We came up with a faster washing machine he could keep in his house and a better detergent that would the tops would cling to him.  We invited a scientist from another country to look at our invention, his name was Stinky. We said we were going to clean this smelly and stained tank top. They put it in the new washing machine and started it. But Stinky reminded us that we had forgotten the detergent and that we had not closed the lid. The lid was stuck. Stinky climbed to the top of the Washing machine with some detergent and when he yanked on the lid he fell in, the lid closed and he and the tank top spun and spun until he and the tank top were one. We tried to learn about this new mutation but there was no information about it. When Stinky emerged from the machine, he was very large and very powerful. And he was still stinking. Thus, his new name, Stinky Tank Top.”

As we were evacuating, we saw Winter Gear girl approach the giant monster and say, “I can help you in your rise to power. But you need to do me a favor. Help me defeat Hoodie Man, and we can rule the city together.”

The End

Will Stinky Tank Top and winter Gear Girl rule the city? Will Hoodie Man find a cure to take away Stinky Tank Top’s powers?

Tune in Hoodie Man 5, The Cure.

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