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Tom and Harry

Tom and Harry

Once upon a time…(REALLY! – this is how all corny fairy tales start. OK, let’s start over)…

It was a dark and stormy night (NOT AGAIN…relax, dude, this start is cool)…when Isaac Bonjur, the sour and mean squirrel was finally arrested by the French police. He was accused of grand theft auto, littering, and toilet papering his neighbors’ houses, but that was a big mistake, because the houses are now worth $25 million (remember this was written during covid-19 – pun intended, but I digress). But when the police car got to the station, Isaac rolled down the window and jumped out, and he ran away into Critterville, a very nice country.

He specifically went to the newly established state called Tortoise Town. An interesting fact about Tortoise Town is how it got its name. When Tom Tortoise won the famous race with Harry Hare two days ago, they named the town after Tom. It was a big honor. Harry was OK with it, because he had already won so many races that he had a million trophies, and he got lazy on that last race. Isaac listened to the Town’s very short history, and decided to find Tom’s and Harry’s houses.

Tom’s was easy to spot, because it was made of pure gold, and it had a fountain with a tiny little turtle on top. Isaac knocked on the door and a Roomba opened the door. The Roomba said, in a robotic voice, “Hello. My. Name. Is. Ronald…You. May. Come. In.” When Isaac stepped in, Tom said, “Aaaaahhh!” A cute little squirrel. I want to keep him as a pet.” Isaac said, “NNNNNNOOOOO!!!” ….. Suspense …..

“You are not keeping me captive. I have already escaped jail three times. But I have a deal for you. I heard that you just won a race against a hare. If you, your Roomba, and your so-called friend the hare can beat me and my new Roomba, I will stay here as your pet. But if I win, you have to move out and Tortoise Town will be called Squirrel City, and to me, that sounds better.” And Tom accepted the challenge. But first, Tom went to talk to Harry at his house, which was shaped like a carrot (obviously).

Tom said, “Harry, we need to beat this evil squirrel, but I don’t even want him as a pet anymore.” Harry then said, “Let’s you and me and Ronald go into my exercise room and work out. There is a treadmill for Ronald and weights for me, and Tom doesn’t have to do anything because he will just ride around on Ronald.” “Affirmative,” said Ronald. “Suits me,” said Tom.

Tom said, “Ronald doesn’t need to work out, I can just set him to super-fast mode.” Harry said, “OK…wait a minute, that means I am the only one who has to work out. NNNOOOOO! Not going to happen.” Tom said, “OK, you don’t have to work out either, because you are already one of the fastest critters in the world, but when you are lazy, not so much!” Harry said, “I now eat carrots and cream, which keeps me energized (like the bunny on TV), so I won’t get lazy again.”

So the big race was set! There was an audience who kept saying, “Go team Tom.” Harry said, “Why did you have to choose that name, Team Harry sounds so much nicer.” And then Harry blurted out to the crowd, “We are changing the name to Team Harry.” Tom then said, “Let’s call our team Tom AND Harry.” So the crowd began to cheer, “Go Tom and Harry!!” Then Isaac showed up with his new Roomba, and it looked evil. It had a cannon that could shoot not only cannon balls, but also candy, which Isaac shot at the audience, so they would root for him. The audience immediately said, “Go Isaac and Rigged Roomba.”

The starter said, “Ready, set…” but before he could say, “Go,” Isaac took off early. So Team Isaac on Rigged Roomba took the lead. Tom and Harry zoomed off, and they soon caught up to Isaac. But that was a bad thing, because Rigged Roomba fired his cannon at them, and knocked Harry down and Tom off Ronald. Rigged Roomba was heard to yell in a deep robotic voice, “Vengeance!”

Isaac has already cheated twice (I told you he was evil)! Tom and Harry quickly got up and took off after Isaac and his Roomba, and they soon caught up again. Harry knocked Isaac off his Rigged Roomba, and it crashed into a wall and shattered. Tom and Harry coasted across the finish line and won. Tom said that he no longer wanted Isaac as a pet, because he was a troublemaker, and, instead, Tom then fined Isaac three million dollars, one million each for Tom, Harry, and Ronald Roomba.

The end.

(Not really, tune in next time for Tom and Harry, Revenge of the Rigged Roomba.)

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